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Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe… How to Choose Between Two Lovers

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By: Loree Bischoff  

Suppose it’s time to make a choice between two potential partners? How do you choose?

A lot of people wish they had that problem! Most of us are just trying to find that one special person to share our hearts and lives with, and would consider you fortunate to be in the dilemma of having two great choices!

As flattering as being in this position may be, if it’s time to choose, but you’re struggling with this decision, ask yourself whether you are letting your heart or your head take the lead? There’s a place for both to weigh in.

Keep in mind that you don’t necessarily need to rush into making a choice, even if you feel the clock is ticking. Don’t try to force something if it’s not quite the right fit just because you want to keep moving forward. There is a lot to be said for just being in the moment and enjoying both people for who they are and how they make you feel. Enjoy without worrying about what next week or next month will look like. Let things organically evolve by listening to your heart, and at the same time using your head.

If your goal is to have a special someone to share and build a life with, think carefully about the connection you have with each person, and let your heart tell you which one you feel the most powerful connection with and are the most drawn to.

What if the person your heart is pining for enters the relationship with baggage – should you still follow your heart? This situation should not be taken lightly. It really depends on what the baggage is. Does it weigh you both down so much that you are unable move forward? This would be a good reason to let your head override your heart.

If the issues brought into the relationship are so serious that it’s emotionally harmful to either of you, or if you think the other person might need professional help in dealing with it, then maybe it’s not the best time to take the relationship to the next level.

Use common sense when sorting through such issues. If the other person clearly isn’t emotionally healthy for you, or is harmful in any way, then it probably isn’t meant to be. You need to protect yourself and use common sense in determining whether a relationship is healthy. Don’t sacrifice your own health and well-being in the name of love. You can still love this person, but perhaps you should love from afar. It’s a mistake to embark on a relationship that is emotionally unhealthy with the thought that the other person will change and you will be the one to change them; it rarely works that way. Let them know how you feel and that you are unable to move forward until they get it under control. Some things are beyond your skill level to deal with.

But if the other person comes with baggage that isn’t unusual – the common issues we all have to deal with in our lives – then ask yourself what you would expect if the situation were reversed. Would you want to enjoy a loving and supportive partner while working through your issues, or would you want someone who turns tail and runs at the first sign of complication?

We all want a partner who is willing to be patient while we sort through our problems. Nobody wants a partner who says, “Hey, I’m really into you, but I can’t deal with your crap, so give me a shout when you have the situation figured out.” Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and determining howyou would want to be treated if the situation were reversed will help you be empathetic. You have to live the qualities you desire in your partner.

Everyone, especially as they get older, has some form of baggage. If you discard someone because of their baggage, and instead choose to wait for a partner who is baggage-free, chances are you will be flying solo for a long time.

Relationships thrive when both partners are willing to be each other’s rock – to step up and love unconditionally. Supporting your partner and doing whatever you can while they navigate through their issues, and being willing to be engaged for the whole ride – the not-so-fun stuff too –  is what love is all about.

 

About Loree Bischoff:

 

Loree Bischoff received her Life Coach Certification from the award-winning, nationally accredited Southwest Institute of Healing Arts in Tempe, Arizona. She has been married to the same amazing man since 1984 and they have two wonderful (now all-grown-up) children. Loree spends her time with family, coaching, learning, staying healthy and fit, commuting between Arizona, California and Wyoming and just overall enjoying the fantastic adventure of life.

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